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Monday, August 18th, 2008
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7:58 am
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Frustrated...
I realized that even if I sub every day for a month, I will be making 75% of what I was making before. And Subbing makes more than temping. I am getting so frustrated. I'm smart, I'm a hard worker, and I have many talents. What frustrates me is that I don't know what I want to do, which is what's holding me back. If I knew, I could be doing it by now. I could have been doing it for 4 years. I am so jealous of those people who are doing exactly what they want to and love it. I can't wait to be there.
Meanwhile, tinkering with web analytics and studying Python to try and make myself look better. I even would get a master's if I was convinced something was perfect for me!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 9th, 2008
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2:26 pm
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programming in python!! wahooo! I know how to get absolute values of imaginary numbers now :)
I need a job. I am going crazy having so much unstructured time. I don't get anything done. BOOOO.
Moving to new apt Sept1, seems promising. Yay!
Everything else is going well too :) Enjoying life more than I was a few weeks ago. I'm gonna miss Sabrina when she leaves. :(
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
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8:19 am
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ARGH!!! So frustrated! I wish cleaning was my therapy because I need something cathartic AND I need to clean. I will go try to buy the iphone instead.... And yell at people later.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 10th, 2008
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5:58 pm
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no job, no experience, nada. Now, I am starting to doubt every job, like I won't like it. I am getting frustrated.
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| Monday, June 16th, 2008
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3:53 pm
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So, today was my last day at Longfellow.
Friday was the last day of school, but I didn't clean up my room completely so I had to go back today. I kinda was thinking about how, if I had known there was going to be a new awesome principal that maybe I wouldn't have left. But, they didn't know til today and I put in my resignation in March, so, onward. Though I can see myself coming back to teaching in a few years. Especially if I have kids.
I am excited for Mexico. So much to do to get ready! But I am really excited to go to socal and see everyone again. I could get used to this every three weeks thing!
Wow, I still can't believe I am done. And unemployed. I was at that school for two years, and it actually went by pretty fast. Although 20 months ago I thought it would never end. Kids, tell your teachers you love them, they don't hear it enough.
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| Friday, June 13th, 2008
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6:01 am
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REALLY!?!
"He didn't want to express an opinion on same-sex marriage, he said, because he was in uniform and didn't want to violate any Marine Corps policies."
Don't the armed forces, more than ANYONE, deserve to say what they want? Freedom of Speech!? They have earned it time and time again. Wow.
And also, really Kern county? REALLY? Now no one gets to get married?! wow. You could have also just started marrying dogs and cats. Same message. WOW.
Taken from SF Chronicle http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/06/13/MN3A118KQU.DTL
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| Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
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8:33 am
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yay! I am updating!
I am trying to do better because I like looking back at my old entries once in a while.
Today is the end of the year field trip to Boomer's with the 7th graders. I challenged a bunch of them to the bumper boats, I am excited. Also, it's going to be like 91 degrees there. Ouch.
Yesterday in class, a dad of a student I had last year came in. The kids were watching a movie so I stepped outside. He had heard I was leaving and wanted to let me know that I would be missed. He said we need more teachers that are young and enthusiastic. So sweet!
There are 3 different groups of people you interact with as a teacher - students, admin/staff, and parents. This year, I have had issues with all of them. Students, it's no surprise. Parents, well I don't expect it to all be awesome but I get a lot of flack from the parents. Last year they called me racist a lot. This year they think I am lying about their kids. And the admin/staff was not as supportive this year as last. I felt like they thought I was immature, unqualified, and a screw up. I think if any one of those 3 groups had treated me better, I probably would be staying. I tend to blame the staff the most because, well we are all playing the same game, on the same team. They, more than anyone, should know that we all need to be appreciated.
Ok, time to go home because I feel like crap still. More later.
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| Saturday, June 7th, 2008
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11:01 am
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From Jan 11, 2006:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inspired by Scrubs, things to do before I am 30:
Live in San Fran
live alone
have a full time job!
get a car with a working passanger window
learn to be happier
go to dinner alone on a weekend (have gotten it to take home but not stayed at a restaurant..)
learn to write timely emails
visit dc
go to church (or temple!) and really enjoy it
go to a sader or other jewish event
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good for me! I should make another list soon to revisit in 2 years. That new car will still be on there don't you worry :)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 6th, 2008
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12:13 pm
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I have been cleaning and grading like a machine, time for a well deserved break :D
It's weird, exactly one week from now (at 12:30!) I will no longer be a teacher. What a rollercoaster my life is. But I like it. I am in charge of my own destiny, and I am glad to be taking the scenic route through life.
Sparked by hanging out with Rob (Hobbiton, not to be confused with DC Rob!) last weekend, I decided to read my past livejournals. Wow, I was so emo. And not consistent! It's cool to be able to see what I was doing where, and how I was feeling. I wish I kept it up more - I love reading people's journals but am horrible at updating, I will try harder. I can remember the emotions I felt at certain times in my life, and I wouldn't trade any of it. And even now, as I am leaving a profession that I thought would last a lifetime, I feel like I am just traveling the road of life, and I am taking the scenic route. I like it. I think I make great choices, and even if something doesn't work out the way I want it to, everything will turn out ok. I thought a lot about friendships that I used to have, that ended over some emotional issue. I have for a while now, just trying to make sense of it. And reuniting with two old but good friends I haven't talked to in years really put it into perspective for me. I think it's hard to ALWAYS be friends with everyone no matter what. There are going to be fights, there are going to be issues, there are going to be new relationships and forgotten ones. I myself have been downgraded many times. What I LOVE about myself is I think of myself as not holding grudges. Like, lifelong grudges. Even with people I haven't talked to in years, most of the time its one tiny thing that makes me mad, then we stop talking, and even if I am over it in a few months, we just fall out of touch. And I look for any excuse to get in contact again :)
Other things I realized reading through old entries:
- I always thought the breakup with Eric fueled my desire for moving to SF... untrue. I wrote when I visited Carlos in March '05, I said that I would go to the credential program but then move to SF. Wow. Well, it worked, I love it here. I never want to move! (although ask me again later when I have no job and I have just returned from another short stay in Costa Mesa!)
- Although I just wrote an emo paragraph (novel!) about friends, its funny to read entries about people who now hate me/don't talk to me. By funny I mean sad.
- I love the comments. I think many times I just blogged to have people comment on it. I need more LJ friends!
- I really wanted to be a teacher, bad. And I am a really good teacher (remember that anonymous jerk who said I was underqualified to be a teacher?!!??!?! GRRR!). Although I am leaving, I don't see it as permanent. It's very possible I will come back. I think a lot had to do with my school this year, and I am too tired/worn out to try something else (What if that is bad too? Then I am committed for 9 months!!!). If I was in Costa Mesa still I would kick a science teacher out of Neeta's school and work there. Then I would never leave her side.
- I love Neeta. And everyone else who always commented on my entries like Dayna and Doug and Matt and Fuzz. Fun!
Ok almost time for lunch. I used to say a lot in my entries "call me if you want to hang out!" which is funny because I always worry I call people too much. People ask what my hobbies are, or what I like to do for fun... I never know how to answer. I like a lot of things but mostly I like doing things with people I love.
I love you!
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| Friday, April 18th, 2008
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2:24 pm
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* I love the mission. Luna Park and Bi Rite, with Dolores Park afterwards. Perfection.
* I need to move. I don't want to pay more than $800 for rent I don't think.
* 12 sick days left and 8 weeks of school left. Crap. I am totally "sick" today.
* I love my roommate, but I miss her. She rocks.
* I like showing people around SF. I love this city. I don't know if I could ever move out of the city.
* Trying to get work done. It's hard.
* So many people at work are driving me crazy. To the point where I want to say something. But I don't want to burn any bridges. I am tired of being talked down to, being taken advantage of, and not being recognized for the good things I do. But on the other hand, there are a few friendships I am really going to miss when I leave. And I am really going to miss the funny things the kids say.
* That's all.
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2008
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9:20 am - Random memory...
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So I was Gtalking with Preethi instead of writing my paper, and I remembered a memory from when i was like 12. My parents told me they were divorcing, and I was actually excited! For one they yelled a lot and so no more yelling, but mostly I was excited for ME! You see, I had read so many of the Babysitters Club books and Babysitter's Little Sister, and it was common knowledge that when parents get divorced, you get two of everything, one for each house!! That meant two bikes, twice as many clothes, two backpacks, two tv's! The list went on and on. WAHOO! SCORE! JACKPOT!
.... That was until I realized neither parent wanted to be the one to buy #2. And they lived across the street from each other so I didn't really need two of anything. Except a toothbrush. Boo. Babysitter's Club books are the devil!
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| Sunday, February 10th, 2008
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6:07 pm - I love these videos!
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| Thursday, February 7th, 2008
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9:42 pm
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My 5th period almost made me cry. They all turned against me, even after I thought we all had an awesome day yesterday. Its so hard being in a job when you can't even take 5 minutes for yourself when the dam is about to burst.
And then do I want to come home and plan lessons for tomorrow? NO. I need a drink.
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8:08 am
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update:
In the interest of keeping certain people traveling to India in the loop, I am going to try and update more :) So I am doing that instead of getting ready for Thursday...
I am going out more on weeknights, which is awesome but tiring. Maybe I just need to work up the tolerance!
There are ants on my desk. Ew. And not for any reason either.
I want to take an interior decorating class over the summer. Just because I never have done anything like that. How fun would that be?!
Ok really gotta go, lots of stuff to do before the kids come!
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| Monday, January 21st, 2008
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8:50 pm
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Ok, I am doing much better.
Life started being better when Neeta and Mark came to visit. Then, even though school still sucks, I have had a great time with friends, old and new.
Spanish happy hour with Carlos
Movies with Alex and Cristian (a lot!)
phone calls to Neeta like, all the time
Fundraiser with new friends, ran into old friends there too!
house party with new friends... and my pharmicist... awkward!
Mimosa brunch with Tanu
Game night with Shawn and Biao
Coffee :D
What did I do last weekend?
Dinner with Alex and Cristian
making dosas
playing with Mac
website building with Becky
New class at City College!
And this weekend...
more spanish with Carlos?
India pictures!!!!
MORTIFIED and Bollywood Cafe!
Lime $6 mimosa brunch???
Yay for life:) Oh, and I joined the knitting club at school. I am learning to knit! It's cool learning something alongside my students :)
I love people.
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| Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
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11:13 am
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Ok, a tad more upbeat...
Neeta and Mark will be here tonight! Plans for weekend include:
Lots of time with Alex and Cristian, and other awesome people too
lunch at google?
gluten free bakery!
speakeasy bar ;)
brunch at Lime
party tomorrow night
and who knows what else!
In other news, I totally got stalked. I got a bad haircut, wrote a review about it on Yelp, but decided not to go in for a fix up. My hair was so short and I didn't want it to be any shorter! So 6 weeks later, I call the salon to make a new appointment. I knew I would probably have to pay for it since it had been so long, but I thought I would just mention the bad haircut anyways. Then the manager got on the phone, and said, "I remember you, you wrote a bad review on Yelp for us!" OH MY GOD. Can they even do that? You gave me a bad haircut! Well, he said he would let that same girl do my hair again for free because he wanted to make it right, but he gave me a huge guilt trip about the review. I don't even think it was that bad, and I guess his beef was that I didn't call them before writing it. I explained to him (and in my review) it was just because I didn't want it cut again right away. So, I am embarrassed, feeling stalked, but going in to get a free haircut. I took down the review, and will write a different one after the cut, but I think I will still say I got a bad cut, and they were really nice about taking care of it for me, was two stars but now 4 kind of thing.
I am going to be embarrassed when I see the girl, but at the same time, if she would have just cut my hair correctly the first time, it would have been fine right? And if they were so worried about it, and took the time to attach a note in their appointment book about me, couldn't they at least have called ME? Moral of the story? Don't leave your name on comments that they can trace back to you if they are bad... I think I will get an alternate Yelp name just in case...
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| Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
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7:57 pm
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I suck at blogging.
Lots going on right now. I like being alone, but I am lonely. I am dreading going back to school with every ounce of my soul. I am really greedy right now. I want a lot of things. I want a nice vacation with someone I love. I want someone to see movies with me. I want someone to take me to a nice dinner. I want someone to go bicycle riding with. I don't have any new year's resolutions per se, but I am currently working on: new job, ability to try on clothes without hating myself/no one ever asking if I am pregnant again (unless I am!), making new friends! The hardest thing for me right now in the friend department, is that I am so mopey that I am a bad boring depressing friend. So I am working on that now. But it's hard - this last month or so has been killer.
Things I want to do SOON:
take a language class - french? japanese? korean?
take another class - dreamweaver? early childhood education?
find things to do in the city, some with friends, some alone. Besides shopping, wandering, seeing movies.
Go to more Spanish happy hours!
and I want to be more interesting. I need a hobby, or to do something cool. Kickball was cool at first, then I got over it. What's next?
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, October 29th, 2007
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5:34 pm
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You know whats hilarious?
Blogs. I have been guilty of it myself, but they are definitely public. Just remember folks.
Oh and here's to hoping my kids never find me on the internet.
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| Monday, August 13th, 2007
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8:37 pm
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If you haven't seen this project it, check it out. Its amazing - sometimes emotional, sometimes too close to home, sometimes hilarious.\
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 27th, 2007
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1:55 pm
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It's been a damn hard weekend 7 days. I have been so needy. And I hate being needy.
As I am emailing a almost complete stranger that I just met when I showed her my apartment, and giving her tips on applying to school districts and telling her to email me with any questions, I realize I will do so many things for people I barely know.
I am a nice person dammit. So why is it so hard to convince the people closest to me of it?
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